Too thin?

The Complete and Total Loser had coffee with a young ex-coworker today. The two hadn't seen each other for a little over a week. She said he looked too thin.
He is not. His face is thinning with age and his muscles are deteriorating now that he's in the second half of his fifties, but the Loser gets on his scale often and knows that his weight is what it's been for years: Ten pounds heavier than it should be.
He is, however, taking good care of himself as he always does when he's unemployed. He exercises regularly, eats very little meat of any kind—smoothies for breakfast, salads for dinner all summer—and hasn't had any alcohol for a month now. He sleeps a lot, probably too much. But he's healthy.

Seventy percent of Americans are overweight. Seventy percent! Go where good produce is being sold and you'll see a higher percentage of thin, healthy people.

Children's Letters to the Loser #6

Dear Complete and Total Loser,

Kids at school tease me because I'm fat. A lot of them are fat, too, but I'm fatter than they are. I try not to eat too much but I can't help it. My parents are fat and they make me eat all my meals because they say it's bad to waste food. Please help.

Samantha

Dear Samantha,

You don't say how old you are, but if I were you I'd do something about this situation as soon as possible. The eating habits you acquire when young are hard to break and may be with you for life. You don't mention exercise. The next time you're in your room reading a book, try standing up and walking in place while you're doing it. I know it's not a marathon, but it's exercise nonetheless. Small moves, Samantha. 

And I have to do something here I dislike doing: Recommend that an outside counselor become involved and talk with you and your parents together. I like people to solve their own problems whenever possible, but when parents are making you do something that's leading to an unhealthy situation, extra help is needed. 

Your friend,

The Complete and Total Loser

Dieting (Poem)

I’ve been on diets several times
To knock off a few pounds.
I tried a fork that had no tines,
It was crazy as it sounds.
I drank quarts of water really fast
To fill my empty belly.
Someone said fat wouldn’t last
If coated with KY jelly.
I ate just meat, eschewing bread,
They said that that would help.
But soon that seemed so very dead,
I once heard a cutlet yelp.
I stopped dieting, said, “Screw this mess,”
And lost a fifth my weight.
The secret, I found, was to eat less.
I did and now feel great.