Ten things men shouldn't do after 30

This list of things men shouldn't do after 30 is on askmen.com. The Complete and Total Loser is editing it as askmen, knowing who their advertisers are, made it wimpy with modifiers like "constantly" on things like the one about playing video games. (The whole article's here.) The Loser also has problems with it, as you'll see below.

1. Eat fast food
2. Drive recklessly
3. Play video games
4. Live in a dorm-style room
5. Get a tattoo
6. Binge drink
7. Live paycheck to paycheck
8. Work at a dead-end job
9. Be socially and/or politically clueless
10. Dress like a slob

Number ten is where the problem is. In the paragraph accompanying it, they say, "Even more important than your job or your personality is how you dress." Really? You could save hundreds of lives all day but whether or not your belt matches your shoes matters more than that?
The Loser finds much missing from this list, like smoking, thinking farting is funny, treating women like shit, having a limp handshake, disturbing neighbors with noise, driving a gas-guzzling car, mastering basic grammar and punctuation, and not offering your seat on a bus or train to those who need it more than you.

Some fashion types would say don't use messenger bags after 30 (which this man clearly isn't), but the Loser says if it's practical (he's 56 and bikes for transportation), why wouldn't you?

The Loser deals with a lost girl

The museum where the Complete and Total Loser works is hosting a special exhibition of colorful clothes. To accentuate them, all surfaces but the floor in the large gallery have been painted black. As with any exhibit of textiles, the lighting is dim for conservation reasons, but direct. The pathways are at odd angles, merging, circling, forking. Most leave the gallery and enter the exhibition store pleasantly dazzled.
Not the lost girl today.
“I can’t find my parents,” she told the Loser. She’d made it through the crowded store and reached the final register, weaving through giants, when she realized she’d exhausted all spaces. She was around seven or eight and couldn’t have been more than four feet tall. Cute, though the tiny face was scrunched in misery, eyes brimming with tears. Light sobbing had started.
The Loser, childless, of course, guided the girl in reverse through the exhibit, distracting her with comments about how dark it was and its similarity to a movie theater he worked in as a teenager and other tales, all with that heightened delivery those not used to talking to children use, thinking it will maintain their interest (“You know what happened to me once?”).
After a few minutes—long ones for the child—Josh, her brother, darted by and just after there was Mommy, lost in her audio tour.
Girl melded to woman, face pressed into soft, maternal abdominal muscles. The Loser gave the adult a little wave, a smile and shrug and retreated to his register. He glimpsed the girl some minutes later as they exited the packed store.
Later the Loser realized that chief among things he said to the girl were assurances that her lost state (or was it the parents who were lost?) was a common one. This isn’t true, at least to the degree it had reached for her. The Loser realized his goal was to relieve her of embarrassment, to help her not come away from the experience feeling dumb. 

The Loser's Sartorial Splendor

The Complete and Total Loser is physically deformed. Not that all losers are deformed or that all deformed people are losers. There are many one-armed people with good careers and loving spouses. (The Loser has both arms. His deformity is not interesting or touching. It's the kind that causes ill-mannered school children to laugh and shout to alert their friends.) But deformities can nudge personalities. The confident deformed man will swagger a little less; the shy one may withdraw from social settings completely. Spurned and ridiculed, he will try to connect with others in his youth only to surrender and make attempts fitfully into middle age. When they fail, he retreats into a world of his making that makes sense to only him.

When you look different, you dress in ways to hide your deformity and draw as little attention to yourself as possible. For the Loser this means black pants, always, after learning during his travels in developing countries that they make his deformity, which is below the waist, slightly less striking from a distance. For shirts he wears long-sleeved button downs, solid colors usually.
Undergarments are a T-shirt and briefs. Although when in college his older brother told him that the two necessities for getting laid were Brooks Brothers boxers and a car, he's more comfortable in briefs and has no hope of anyone save emergency room workers seeing him depanted.
No jewelry. Sweaters are out; he fears they make him look weak and effeminate.