1987 and 2013

A photo that has nothing to do with this post.

Now and then the Complete and Total Loser gets reminded of just how dumb he is. Today, that reminder came from a 25-year-old co-worker. The Loser, who after a decade in the low-level retail position was promoted a year ago to a low-level management position, makes the daily schedules. Who's at which register, when person A goes to lunch, coverage of that lunch, etc. Sometimes the Loser will try to make his coworkers' grim lives less so, fractionally, by putting something interesting on the schedule. (Actually, their lives are better than his as they, most of them anyway, are young and on an upward trajectory, unlike the Loser.)
Today, the interesting thing was something the Loser had read in The Economist, a magazine he subscribes to courtesy of a wealthy in-law and a publication he understands barely twenty percent of but he's too embarrassed to admit that so he keeps the subscription going. 
He phrased it this way: 2013 is the first year since 1987 that _____________________. 
The answer, which the Loser never would've gotten on his own, is "the digits in the year are all different." 
Being narrow and stupid, the Loser thought that was the only answer. Then the much younger co-worker, venturing a guess within minutes, said, "That the year is 13 years away from 2000?" 
He's right. 

Last Date

The Complete and Total Loser had what will very likely be his last date last night. 
He met her on a free dating site and, due to distance and conflicting schedules, they communicated extensively via email before meeting. 
A nice woman. Smart. A college professor, as a matter of fact, with tenure no less. 
But why did she describe her body type as "average" when she easily outweighs the Loser, who at 175 is closer to average for a male of his height? 
It's awful, but as he's said before, the Loser cannot get physically attracted to heavy women. Believe me, he's tried and it led to nothing but anger, hurt feelings and tears. No thanks. There are men who like big women. Lots of them. So why aren't women more honest about putting their weight in their profiles? 
The Loser is bald and short (5'9") and he understands and has no hard feelings toward women who want men who are six feet tall and have great hair. Yet he knows that if he says in his profile that he's only interested in women shorter and thirty pounds lighter than he is he'll hear no end of how he's a superficial, sexist pig.
Women can meet the Loser's not-so-strict standards easily. Eat less, exercise more. You don't need to be a jock like the comely runner below, who the Loser saw earlier today. But really, when your waist is larger than your chest, it's time to focus on limiting the amount of crap you put in your body, don't you think?

A runner makes sure her shorts fit well before running.

Young Flesh and the Loser

There have been warm days in the Complete and Total Loser's Mid-Atlantic city. Heavy clothes have been shed.
The Loser's route from work to his squalid apartment cuts through a park and he sees young women running. He's on a bicycle and too polite and aware of his ugliness to stare at them, yet his eye can't help being caught by their thighs.
Thigh. Such a lovely word to the Loser. It even rhymes with "sigh." 

He's struck by how robust those of a college age woman are. Powerful cylinders of muscle flashing as they propel firm torsos, ponytails waving behind. It stirs him. At times he has to take a moment to tell himself how ridiculous it would be for him to even consider something other than a workplace relationship with women that age, he being an aging, failed cripple, and the rising sap is blocked.
Each spring, he needs to tell himself this with decreasing frequency.