It would mean:
- A pedophile just moved into the Loser's neighborhood
- The Loser's credit report has just been accessed
- Eight horny girls want to have sex with the Loser
- A Canadian pharmacy will charge the Loser $2 per pill for Viagra
- Fourteen women in a community of swingers desire the Loser join them
- A government check is waiting for the Loser
- The Loser can learn to F*CK LIKE A PORN STAR!!
- The Loser's arrest record has just been accessed
- A horny housewife who lives one mile away is eager to have sex with the Loser
- A barrister from Damascus, Syria, wishes to give the Loser several million dollars because the Loser shares the same surname as the barrister's client, who has died
- There are a number of credit cards with very low interest rates and $2,500 worth of credit on them waiting for the Loser to activate
- For $15 a month, the Loser can get $250,000 worth of life insurance
- If the Loser responds in time, he can get a free bottle of a safe, natural substance that will enable him to shed pounds without ever dieting again
- For a low price, the Loser can attain an advanced degree by studying online at his own pace
- A woman named Natalie has eight new pictures to share with the Loser
- The Loser can grow his hair back and thereby look and feel younger
- The Loser can peruse a popular dating site for a weekend at no cost
