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The Loser's right knee.

The Complete and Total Loser turned 58 this week. He feels it. His aching knee is giving him trouble, and today he'll be on his feet at his crap retail job for eight hours. He'll do the usual—take three aspirin, wrap a knee brace around his crippled limb—but still. He'll get back to the house at ten and want to drink to alleviate the pain. It doesn't do that, booze, but it makes the pain seem like a joke of sorts and more bearable.

The Severe Cold

Here's what will happen.
The extreme weather will drive everyone indoors and The Complete and Total Loser, with his crippled leg, will be there with them. Everyone will talk and hang out instead of engage in outdoor activities while wearing shorts. Personality will trump physic. Girls will realize what a great guy the Loser is to talk to, how he listens to them and makes wise and interesting comments. And he's just so funny! You know, they'll think, he's not so bad looking, once you get past the leg. He's actually kind of ... handsome. In fact, I think I'm developing feelings for him. Could it be that I, this pretty girl who dates funny, confident jocks, am falling for this crippled boy? Why yes, I think that's what's happening. In fact, I'm sure of it ...
Never happened!