Wednesday, September 23, 2015

How religion works

Philadelphia street scene with overstuffed trash cans
Overstuffed trashcans like these will be emptied before Pope Francis visits Philadelphia.
Pope Francis is coming to the Complete and Total Loser's home city of Philadelphia this weekend and he'll hold a mass outdoors on Sunday. Rain is expected, but the local forecasters are saying it "may be drizzling." 
Here's how this works:
  • If it doesn't rain at all, believers will say it was an act of their god, who surely favors this city and must dislike farmers and forests in California and the Pacific Northwest
  • It it rains off and on, believers will see greater significance in what the pope says during the times he speaks when it isn't raining
  • If it does nothing but pour all day, believers won't make any connection to the weather and the pope's presence or, if they do, they'll say the reasoning behind the rain is not one mere humans are capable of discerning 

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