Four out of Five

Every see an article on a site like Yahoo and think, "Hey, I should read that; I'll make sure to come back to it later," and when you do you can't find it no matter what? It happens to the Complete and Total Loser often, most recently with an article about the top five regrets dying people have, according to a hospice nurse. 
The Loser couldn't find it anywhere on the site but with a little searching he tracked down its original source.
It's a good list. The Complete and Total Loser matched four out of the five, meaning he has even failed at losing.
Here they are, with comments:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Top of the list because it's the most common one, the nurse said. Right now, instead of sitting alone in his dead parents' house wondering whether he should have the sharp pain in the third toe of his right foot checked out, as it's making it hard for the Loser to stay on his feet for most of his working day as a middle-aged store clerk, the Loser should be with his beloved wife getting ready for bed so he's well rested and ready for another satisfying week of being a successful radio broadcaster. 
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. This is the one the Loser doesn't match. He lacks confidence and is lazy and has never had a job in which hard work has energized him the way good jobs do.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. The Loser is so out of touch with his feelings that he's pretty sure they've evaporated.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. He never had more than one or two, and the last friend he was in touch with, over twenty years ago, did nothing but remind the Loser of how he was wasting his life, so the Loser cut him out of his life. A bad decision.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This isn't worded right, as far as the Loser is concerned. It's a chain of events: I wish that I had had the confidence to pursue my dreams, which could have led to a productive life in which I could have been happier.  

Most people are not losers.