Monday, July 2, 2012


It's good to fast sometimes, but it depends on why.

These are the bad reasons:
  • Religion - Fasting to appease a god or uphold a tradition may cement your relationship with others who share the same beliefs, but those beliefs are primitive and stupid
  • Poverty - There can be romance in being poor but it's fleeting and better for future sentiment than instruction
  • Illness - Not feeling well is a bad reason not to eat
  • Motion sickness - The Complete and Total Loser went on a two-day boat ride on rough seas some years ago and couldn't keep anything down. Sad, because he loves the sea and likes the idea of circumnavigating the globe someday in a small ship with a huge gun, just in case. This will never happen, though
  • Medical testing - Earlier today the Loser had a colonoscopy, so yesterday he ate only a small amount of Jell-O and drank only a mixture of Miralax and Gatorade. 

These are the good reasons:
  • Time - If you fast for even a day, you will be amazed at how much extra time you'll have. Even if you think you're the type who just grabs a bite and runs, there's more to it than that. There's all the shopping, preparation, getting out a dish, glass, spoon or fork, cleaning up afterward. And thinking about it. All those quick thoughts you have during the day -- Do I have any frozen burritos? Do I need eggs? -- add up. When you fast for a day and you cut yourself off halfway through those thoughts, the minutes add up. 
  • Starting a diet - Maybe, maybe not. Some will say not eating for a day or two will shrink your stomach. Who knows? The Loser can't be unbiased about this at the moment as he is fat, wishes to lose 20 pounds, and is hoping to start that with his fast yesterday. We'll see ...
  • Thinking about food - It's becoming hip to think about food as a resource and how we use it. That's a good thing. Should we eat meat, which is like driving a Hummer, environmentally? No, but the Loser notices that when he does break down and have a steak he feels like he's had a vitamin B-12 shot and is ready to fight ten men. How about eggs and dairy? The lives of milking cows and laying chickens are grim, but tofu, which the Loser eats regularly, can get a little dull. And quinoa. It's the best grain around, but the Loser has read that the love yuppie scumbags (like him) have for it has driven the prices up where it's grown, so the natives are turning to unhealthy but cheap substitutes.
Ommmmmmmelette. Ommmmmmelette.

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