Sunday, May 13, 2012

Children's Letters to the Loser #16

Dear Complete and Total Loser,
What should I say to kids at school who want to be better friends on facebook than I want them to be? 

Dear Claire,
What's facebook? 
Don't worry, I'm kidding. I'm not that old or out of it. I don't, however, have a facebook account. I've never understood it. The number of friends the Loser has is miniscule, but they are real friends. If my house burnt down or I needed money, they'd come through for me as I would for them. The more time you spend offline the better, but here I am telling you this on a blog! 
Tell your friends that you're busy and trying to minimize the amount of time you spend on facebook. And then make that true. Twenty years from now, get in touch with me so you can shower me with thanks while you're surrounded by adults who have no idea how to communicate with one another.
There are rabbits in the backyard where I'm living now. Last night, at dusk, they played the simplest game there is: Chase. One would chase the other and after a while they'd switch. Imagine. All that fun without technology.
Your friend,
The Complete and Total Loser

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