Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Big Money

How often do you go to an ATM? The Complete and Total Loser goes pretty often, about once a week. The women he knows in his urban environment, go far more often, withdrawing small sums as low as $20, fearful of being robbed. (The Loser takes out $80, usually, up from the regular $60 he took out weekly in the 1990s.)
Recently the Loser was reimbursed for debts he paid that stemmed from events surrounding his parents' deaths last autumn. The normal thing to do would be to deposit the check from his their estate account into his bank account. Instead, the Loser decided to cash the check. 
He took it in twenties. The teller used a machine to count it, then counted it out by hand. The Loser walked out with a wad of cash he likened to what old-time prize fighters or gangsters would have in a roll. He put the envelope in a secret place no one will ever find (kitchen cabinet on the left when you enter from outside; second shelf, behind the box of recipes) and goes to it when he needs cash. Not counting the withdrawal fees, this will save the Loser enough time to make the risk worth it.
The Loser's money waits to be wasted.

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