What to Do Now

Send the bodies to St. Bart's. 

That's what the Complete and Total Loser wants to do with his parents' remains. That's because he housesat for them for many years while they sunned on a tropical beach. Now they're dead and he's living in the house, having given up his cluttered, overpriced apartment in the city. He'll be here until he and his brothers sell the place in the summer. The Loser wants to send their ashes south so he can live as if they still existed and would be home in early March, ready for spring.

A picture of a St. Bart's harbor one of the Loser's parents took in 2007. The stopped going after 2008 because they got too old to cope with the cobblestone streets and lack of railings.