Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Loser Seeks Love Online

The Complete and Total Loser, needing constant reinforcement of his Loser status, has an online profile at OKCupid, a free dating service. He logs in about two or three times a year and activates his profile. When doing that, it must for a week.
Seven days is all he needs for the Loser to see that there's no one for him. 
You have to read between the lines for most of the profiles. That's when you see that women want rich men, with hair, who love fine dining and vacations. It surprises the Loser how many of them talk about things that are the opposite of what he or any man he knows likes to do but, well, these are women in their 40s and 50s who are single. Indie bands? Dancing? "Exploring" little antique shops on weekends? Cats? Emoticons? 
So far, five days in, just one woman has written to the Loser. He clicked and looked at her picture and, no kidding, it was like a large cockroach had landed on the screen. He moved the cursor to the photo so it brought up any others she may have posted of herself. Worse. And descriptions: "Curvy" = fat. "A little extra" = Get-my-harpoon! 
The Loser feels good about himself these days, however, so he's having fun with this week. He is clicking "not interested" in all the women the service suggests he may like and clicking on "hide" for these and others who's profiles he views. It gives him some satisfaction to be the one rejecting for once.
Not the woman who responded to The Loser, but close.

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