Monday, September 12, 2011

The Loser's Housesitting Charge

The Amazon parrot the Complete and Total Loser is taking care of now as he housesits in the suburbs for an old friend of the family's bites. Hard. He's been called a mean bird. Over the years he's gotten the Loser a few times, causing wounds just short of a trip to an ER. 
He strikes with reptilian speed. Once he bit the Loser's finger as he was offering him a favorite treat. Another time, when out of his cage (the Loser lets him out whenever he's in the house with him) he leaped from above in attack, his beak gouging the Loser's forehead as he tumbled to floor, clipped wings fluttering. 
The Loser doesn't think the bird is "mean," per se, but that he has a memory in his DNA that tells him his life is not as it should be. Though he was hatched in the U.S. and hand-raised by responsible breeders, the Loser senses that on some level he knows he should be flying amid tropical trees with hundreds of his own kind, happy in his flock, eating fresh fruit from branches instead of metal bowls, his droppings falling to hungry earth far below instead of on a newspaper, fulfilling his biological imperative. And that is why he bites any human who comes near enough and always will.

Amazon parrot

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