Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Relax, America!

Don't fret too much about your economy. Not because the passing of the budget bill will make things better. It won't; your problem is more related to unemployment than debt, and this bill will make unemployment worse (thank you, Tea Party).
But that's a digression. What The Complete and Total Loser is saying is don't worry about a huge collapse of your monetary system, one that will lead to a Somalia type problem, making America resemble the one in The Road, as interesting as that would be. 
Think of your economy as a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloon. The American balloon is huge, of an eagle, let's say. It's being pulled down the road by dozens of workers and is near the front of the line. Behind it is the China balloon followed by the balloons of other nations. The American balloon springs a leak. It's huge by any standard, a gash several feet long, but the balloon is so big that the amount of helium leaking out barely makes a difference. As it continues, however, the balloon begins to lose its shape. The wind deforms it and gets caught in the folds rather than going around as it would a fully inflated, firm balloon, making it harder and harder for the handlers to pull. China passes it. Then Japan and the EEC. The balloon sags more and drops lower and lower to the pavement. Its towropes start getting tangled around light poles then fire hydrants. 
Meanwhile, the people holding the ropes argue and debate how best to pull the deflating balloon faster and pass the balloons that are receding in the distance in front of them. None, though, address the leak and how to fix it. But all this takes many years, decades even. Too slowly to notice.
So save your money and don't buy those three-day survival back backs you see at Home Depot. Those are $39 and are mostly water anyway. Go shopping, window shopping if you're unemployed. Watch TV. Go online. Relax.

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