Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Loser Gets a Hug

The reason the Complete and Total Loser has never been big on hugging is because he sees it as a tease for the greater intimacy he never finds in relationships. He keeps his physical contact to a minimum, hugging neither parent nor either of his two sisters-in-law.
The Loser tells others he eschews all forms of physical contact, which might as well be true, though he has hugged a few of his younger female coworkers when they, not being losers, move on from the lowly retail job they share with the Loser.
He is also emotionally immature enough to have issues with the raw physical aspects of hugging. The way he can feel women's breasts press against his chest as they embrace. Fine, if it's a young woman. Not fine yesterday.
A woman he knew from elsewhere was in the store he works in and trapped him into a hug. She is energetic and friendly. She is also well into her seventies. This means that if the Loser dies today or, for that matter, anytime in the next many months or year, the last physical contact he'll have had with the fair sex will be the mushy breasts of an elderly woman.

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