I'm not looking forward to upsetting my brothers. I'm dreading the reaction. They're calm, mature men, so I don't expect that there will be too great a leap into crises mode, but I do fear that the news will be followed by more phone calls and visits than I'll want.
We'll see. Even people you know well don't always react to things the way you think they will.
After I tell them, it will be time to tell others. Friends, old and new. I'd rather not, but considering that my leg will be amputated soon, word of some kind will get out anyway and it's good to disseminate more information than less, I think, and as I've said before, I don't want to have to explain my condition repeatedly.
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Me, shopping, earlier today, around 1 o'clock. Bad weather had been predicted and now, a few hours later, there is a coating of ice. Schools were let out early, libraries closed. I went to a supermarket, which I'd planned to do anyway. The lines were long but nothing crazy. There are many supermarkets near me and they range from middle class ones, like Acme, to the more expensive Whole Foods. There is also a Trader Joe's and a Wegmans, all a short drive from where I live. I visit all of them over the course of a week or so as each has items I like that the others don't.
Today, I went to the Acme. The usual types were in the express line. Harried moms, an elderly man clutching a loaf of white bread, me getting cheese, bagels, and eggs. And I see this girl. So young. So calm. So pretty. Who is she? Who does she live with? Is she a college student? What things will she see, what problems will she face in the many decades of her life that will pass between my death and hers?
Whether or not I'll be alive a year from now is a fifty-fifty proposition. If I am, it's fairly certain I won't be doing my own shopping and seeing things like this.
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| Shoppers in the express lane of an Acme supermarket. |
