Getting worse?

 It seems that my incidents of phantom pain are getting more intense, lasting longer, and happening more frequently. It's a horrible kind of pain because there's no reason for it; it's all mental. But even though it's all mental, it feels as real as any other pain. I'm five hours into an intense episode of it now.

   On the other hand, it's not like any other pain. If you asked me to replicate it, I'd have no way of doing so. Scalding water? No. An electric shock? Closer, sometimes, but still no. Deprived blood flow? A broken bone? A hard slap? No, no, and no. 

   Pressure therapy helps a little. What that means is that when a phantom pain hits my non-existent right leg, I grind a knuckle into the corresponding part of my left leg. Using pain to stop pain. It stops it alright, but only for a little while. You have to keep on top of it, like the pain is a rat in a burning room with one hole to escape though and you can push it back but it will try again, sometimes for just a few hours, sometimes for an entire day.

   Christmas, the day I'm writing this on in 2024, is not special to me. What cards I send say Season's Greetings and are more about celebrating the end of the year. Still, there's a little part of me that thought this morning at ten, when the current attack began, "Aw, come on. It's Christmas!"

Phantom pain

I wouldn't have guessed that phantom pain would have been as bad as it's been for me since my right leg was amputated nearly a month ago, but it is. We who have it aren't accorded the same status as those who have real pain, and I can see why; no one ever died from phantom pain. 
Or have they? It causes the same kind of stress as "real" pain, and wears on you in ways that weaken you. And although I haven't researched it, I'd bet there are numerous instances of those with it ending their lives.
An obvious question about phantom pain is this: Why is it pain? There have been a few times when mine has manifested itself as a convincing itch, but why isn't that always the case? In fact, why isn't the feeling one of having the missing limb massaged by an expert, gentle masseur? Ahhh ...
The obvious answer to this is probably that it's because the limb has been cut off. We're not evolved to see that as the "good" (in my case prophylactic) thing to do, so the primary readings the nerves are going to transmit are ones of pain. Pain serves to tell us that something is wrong with our body, or a part of our body. I shout at my leg, "I know! I know!" sometimes, but it does no good.
Soon, I will look into therapy. I've heard there are things that help lessen it.