Showing posts with label New York Times. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York Times. Show all posts

Friday, May 16, 2025

My Spelling Bee list

 


I do the Spelling Bee in the New York Times every day and hardly a day goes by that I don't learn a new word from it. This is remarkable to me because I'm in my late sixties, fairly well read, and there are only so many words limited to using just seven different letters. 

  My list isn't only of words I didn't know, though it used to be. Some time ago, I started including words that are obvious one that I should know but often don't. Tatami, for example. That might not be a word everyone is familiar with, but I lived in Japan for three years and my apartment's floor was comprised of tatami mats, except for the kitchen and bathroom. 

  Many of these words are getting flagged as misspellings, which is odd because they're not that uncommon: aboil, iliac, many more.

  The writer David Sedaris said he always gets the Queen Bee rating, which means he got all the words. That makes me admire him a lot. There seem to be a hundred condiments I'd never heard of, and before doing Spelling Bee I never knew what a lanai was. That's just one example. There are many, many more. 

  I use this list by looking through it after I've done as much as I can. 

 
abaci: pl. of abacus
abbacy: about being an abbot
ablate: to remove or destroy the function of
abloom: blooming
aboil: boiling
acacia: spiny African tree
academe: academic life
acai: berrylike fruit
accede: give consent
acetal: perfume solvent
acetic: re: acetic acide or vinegar
acrid: bitter
acyclic: not cyclic, re: flowers
adenine: purine base involved w/DNA and RNA
adduct: to draw toward a common center
adobo: Phillippine dish
aeon: long time
aglet: end of a lace
agora: meeting space in Rome
aioli: garlicky mayonnaise
alcopop: soda like booze
aleph: 1st letter of Hebrew alphabet
alga, algae, algal: algae words
allele: alternative form of a gene
allium: genus of bulb plants like onions
amatory: re romantic love
ameba, amoeba, amebae, amoebae: all good
amour: a love affair
amyl: part of amyl nitrate
ancho: a dried poblano pepper
angina: heart pain
anima: the inner self, the soul
anion: negatively charged ion
annatto: tropical Amer. evergreen shrub
anneal: to strengthen or harden, as glass, steel
annul: declare void
annuli: pl. of annulus, ringlike growth marker
antenatal: before birth
antenna, antennae: often missed
antifa: real word in Spelling Bee
apian: bee related
appall: missed cause you can’t spell gud
apparat: Soviet bureaucracy
appellee: one of those ee ending words
appetitive: re: appetite
arcana: deep secret, mystery
arancini: Italian rice balls
arborio: short grain rice for risotto
arcadia, arcadian: peace with nature
archduchy: archduke’s territory
arco: with a bow
argon: inert gas Ar, 18
arhat: Buddhist with insight
aril: seed, fruit cover
armload: lots
arnica: a perennial herb
arrant: shameless; unmitigated
arum: genus of flowering plants
atrium, atria, atrial: lobby/s
attaboy: good going
attar: fragrant oil
attic: oft missed
augur: seer, to predict
avaunt: a vaunt, to boast; hence, away
axilla/axillae: armpit
axon: nerve fiber
baba: leavened rum cake
babel: confusion of sounds
babka: East European coffee cake
baccarat: the game
bacchanalia, -ian, al
bacilli: pl. of bacteria
backcomb: real word
bagatelle: a trifle, an unimportant thing
baht: Thai money
balalaika: Russian string instrument
baleen: whale filter plates
ballcock: toilet part
barbacoa: slow-cooked meat over fire
bariatric: as in the surgery
barrack: army dorm
battement: dance move w/beating leg
baud: unit of data transfer
bebop: the music
beck: a small brook; a creak: beckoning gesture
begem: adorn with gems
belle: prettiest girl in a group
bialy: type of Polish bread
biennia: two years
biennial: every two years
biome: a biotic community
birria: meat stew; soup
blackcap: any small black-crowned bird
blat: trumpet sound
blech: sound of gagging
blin: to stop, to cease, to desist
blini: a light pancake
bloop: a blooper
bluebottle: type of fly
boba: bubble tea
bobbin: oft missed
bock: dark beer
bola: rope with weight attached
boll: seed-bearing capsules of some plants
bollix: to throw into confusion
bombe: dessert w/layers of ice cream
boodle: counterfeit money
bootee: baby or small boot
borzoi: Russian dog breed
bottleful: full bottle
bung: a stopper or bunghole
butle: to act as a butler
cabala: Jewish mysticism
cacao: chocolate beans
caiman: croc: cayman
cairn: mound of stones
calcite: component of marble, chalk, limestone
calico: oft missed
callaloo: edible spinach-like leaves
cami: a camisole
campo: grassy plain in South America
canid: any doglike animal
canna: tropical herb with flowers
cannellini: white bean in Italian cooking
canonic: authoritative
cantata: poem set to music
cantina: Spanish bar
canton: small division of a country
capellini: angel-hair pasta
capo: mob boss; guitar pitch thing
capon: castrated rooster
carob: evergreen tree, chocolate sub.
carpi: wrist bones
catalpa: tree type w/big leaves
catatonia: being catatonic
cation: positively charged ion
cava: type of sparkling wine
cavatelli: small pasta shells
celli: pl. of cello
cellule: a small cell
cetacean: marine mammal type
chai: tea or latte w/cinnamon
challah: braided bread for Jewish sabbath
chancel: space around church altar
chia: seeds
chica: Mexican girl
chignon: knot in hair at base of neck
chinchilla: the rodent
chitin: hard exoskeleton material
ciabatta: bread type
ciao: oft missed
cicada: the bug
cinephile: movie lover
cioppino: fish stew
cirri: plural of cirrus, tendrils
citron: thorny evergreen shrub or tree
clave: past tense of cleave
clayey: about clay
coati: small S.American omnivorous mammal
coca: shrub w/cocaine
cocci: spherical bacterium, pl. of coccus
cockade: badge worn on hat
cocoa: chocolate source
codon: DNA sequence, nucleotides
coho: “silver” salmon
coir: coconut fiber
colcannon: a mashed potato dish
collab: a collaboration
colleen: an Irish girl
collet: sleeve for holding pieces
collie: dog
colloid: re: particulate matter
coloratura: elaborate opera singing
compote: fruit stewed or cooked in syrup
conclave: secret meeting
congee: boiled rice; rice gruel; jail
corolla: flower petals
coulee: deep gulch, canal, bayou
covalence: no. of electron pairs atoms share
crog: be a bicycle passenger
cultic: re cults
curacy: curate related
curium: metallic synthetic radioactive element
dacha: Russian country house or villa
dahlia: plant genus
dandle, dandling: bounce kids on knees
deckle:  a frame used to hand make paper
decoct: extract flavor by boiling
deicide: kill a god
deke: feint in ice hockey
demit: to relinquish, dismiss
dicta: extra comments made by a judge
dimity: a strong cotton fabric
dinar: Middle Eastern currency
ditz: scatterbrained or eccentric person
doeth: form of does
dolor: sadness
doodad: stop missing this one
dorado: S. constellation; type of fish
doyen, doyenne: male/female senior group member
dragoon: mounted European military unit
droid: real word
drooly: full of drool
ducat: old gold coin; any piece of money, ticket
dudgeon: the haft of a dagger
dugong: Indian Ocean marine mammal
dunno: a word in Spelling Bee
durag: a legit word
durian: that weird fruit
durum: type of wheat
dyad: 2 people in significant relationship
dyne: centimeter-gram-second unit of force
echinacea: type of coneflower
ecotone: transitional zone between 2 communities
eddied: past tense of eddy
eidetic: photographic memory
elfin: like an elf
emetic: causing vomiting
enchain: to bind with chains
ennead: groups of nine
ennui: boredom
entente: alliance
epicene: having characteristics of both sexes
epode: 3rd part of ode type
etouffee: a spicy Cajun stew
falafel: fava beans made into balls
farina: milled wheat
farrago: a medley; a mixture
farro: wheat grains
faun: man/goat deity
faunal: re: animals, fauna
fennel: Eurasian parsly fam. plant
fief: estate held on condition of military service
finito: real word: finished; over with
flagella: cell propellers
flan: 1. custard 2. metal disk to be stamped
flang: miner’s 2-pointed pick
flange: protruding lip or rim
flanging: time=based audio effect w/2 of same signal
flauta: type of tortilla
folio: large paper folded in the middle
fontina: Italian ripened cheese
fora: plural of forum
formic: ant related
friary: monastery of friars
fugu: the fish
fungal: oft missed
furl: fold up a flag
gaffe: foot in mouth
gage: shotgun measurement
galangal: E. Asian medicine plant like ginger
galette: round flat pastry w/filling
gallium: rare metal
galop: lively 1800s dance
gamete: mature reproductive cell with half the info
gamin: male street urchin
gamma: third Greek letter
gavotte: French peasant dance
gelee: gelled suspension for cooking
gelt: money or a gelding
genii: same as genie
geoid: shape of Earth
gewgaw: a decorative trinket; a bauble
gigolo: oft missed
gigue: Irish dance music
gimme: oft missed due to spelling
gimlet: small hand tool; a cocktail
glia: network of glial cells
gloop: goo; oft missed
gnocchi: food word
goby: small fish w/spiny fins
googol: 10 to the 100th
googly: oft missed
gorgon: Greek myth female monsters
gran: a grandparent
grappa: Italian brandy type
guar; type of forage crop in pea family
gulag: oft missed
haboob: sandstorm
haka: Maori war dance
hake: any cod like food fish; drying shed
halite: rock salt
halogen: electro-neg. element
halva/havala: Indian confection
hamate: bone in wrist
haptic: touch related
haulage: that which is hauled
heath: shrubland habitat
heeltap: part of a shoe heel
heinie: spelling
helluva: a word to Spelling Bee
helve: handle of ax, chisel, hammer
hematite: black or blackish-red iron ore rock
heme: molecule w/iron
hepatic: liver related
heptane: test fuel component
heptathlete: 7-sports participant
hiatal: re: a hiatus
hoar: hoary, frost
hogan: Navajo dwelling
hoodoo: voodoo
hoorah: cheer, alt. of hurrah
hora: round dance
hortatory: encouragement
icefall: the fall of ice
ichor: god blood; ethereal fluid
igloo: oft missed
iliac: re: ilium
ilium: pelvic bone
imam: oft missed
imminent: oft missed
incipience: a first stage, a beginning
indica: type of cannabis plant
indicia: identifying marks
indium: a soft metal
ingenue: innocent young woman
innie: spelling
inurn: to put in an urn
invitee: welcome guest
iodide: iodine compound
ipecac: tropical American shrub
irrupt: to break or burst in
jabot: laces, ruffles
jinn: a spirit
jojoba: an evergreen shrub
kaboom: sound word
kebab: like kabab
kente: Ashanti cloth
kola: African evergreen tree
korma: a mild curry, SE Asia
krona: Swedish currency
kronor: plural of above
kroon: pre-euro Estonia currency
lability: readily changeable
lacteal: re milk
laic: re: secular, the laity
laical: re: layman or laity
lambi: sea snail
lamina: thin plate or layer
laminal: consisting of laminae
lanai: Hawaiian porch
lantana: genus of tropical shrubs
laten: to make or grow late
lath: thin strip of wood
legato: smooth, even, in music
lemma: headword
lento: in music, slowly
lifeblood: one word
lifeline: oft missed
limn: oft missed
linnet: a small finch
lipo: liposuction, OK in Bee
littoral: of or on a shore
llano: grassy plain
loach: a European freshwater fish
loblolly: a mudhole; a mire
lobo: the gray wolf
loge: small compartment, lodge
loggia: arch.; open balcony
logogram: symbol that stands for word
lollop: move with bobbing motion, to loll
longan: an evergreen tree
loofa: spelling note
lookbook: real word
loonie: real word
lovage: parsley family plant
luau: party
luff: sailing term they didn’t used to accept
lunula: fingernail moon
macaroon, macaron; chewy cooky
macron: symbol placed over long vowel
mage: a magician
mahimahi: slender game fish in Hawaii
malic: apple related
mammon: wealth in Bible
mancala: board games with pits
mandala: Hindu, Buddhist universe
manila: yellow brown color
manna: food from the devine
mantilla: light silk scarf
maraud: to rove and raid for plunder
marmot: groundhog
matcha: powdered green tea
matte: no gloss
maxilla: skull bones
mayo: legit word
melanin: dark skin pigment
memento: oft missed
mentee: oft missed
mete: boundary line, limit; apportion
metonym/metonymy: a word that means another
meze/mezze: small dishes as appetizers
miff: little quarrel, bad mood
millet: annual grass or its grains
mimeo: mimeograph; unpublished academic paper
minim: half note
minima: least possible quantity or degree
mirin: Japanese rice wine for cooking
mite: oft missed
modular: in moduls
momma: mom
mondo: enormous, huge
monolog: legit spelling
mononym: one name: Cher, Madonna
monotony: missed
moonlit: lit by moon
moratoria: lawful suspension of debt payment
moray: oft missed
moron: missed by idiots
motet: vocal sacred anthem
moue: small grimace; a pout
mulligan: golf shot; stew
mumpsimus: s.o. who sticks with old, wrong ways
myalgia: pain in one or more muscles
myna, mynah; the bird
naiad: water nymph
naif: naive, naive person
nankeen: sturdy cotton or pants made of it
natality: birth rate
natant: floating, swimming
neocon: real word
neolith: stone tool from Neolithic age
nepenthe: fictional medicine to forget grief
netizen: real word
netlike: like a net
netty: open-meshed fabric or toilet
niacin: a vitamin
nigiri: regular sushi
nite: real word
nock: notch for bowstring
nodal: node related
nohow: in no way
noir: English for noire
nonagon: polygon with nine sides and angles
nonagonal: like above
noncom: real word
nonce: the present
nonet: 9 instruments or voices
nonillion: 10 to the 30th
noob: new person
noogie; legit word
novae: plural of nova
nubbin: real word
oaten: made with oats
octal: eight based
octant: one eighth of a circle
octillion: 10 to the 27th or 48th
odia: plural of odium
odeon: Greek theater
odea: plural of odium; Greek theater
odeum: small Greek or Roman theater
odium: state of being odious
offline: not online
ogee: double curve, S shaped
oleic: type of fatty acid
oleo: margarine
olio: hodgepodge
ollie: skateboard move
omigod: legit in Spelling Bee
onlay: something laid over something else
oocyte: egg cell (used to accept)
oolong: tea fermented before drying
oompah: rhythmic bass accompaniment
oomph: legit
opah: moonfish: used to accept
oppugn: call into question truth of
orang: an orangutan
oratorio: comp. of voices and orchestra
orzo: pasta type
otology: ear medicine
outmode: to make unfashionable
outro: real word
ovate: egg shaped
oxlike: like an ox
paean: hymn of praise
paella: rice dish, Spain
palapa: open-sided dwelling w/thatched roof
palatal: re/ the palate
palp: one of clam mouth appendages
pampa: South American grass plain
pancetta: salt-cured pork belly meat
pandit: a Hindu scholar or teacher
panini: sandwich made of small loaf of bread
papally: same as popishly
papilla, papillae: tastebud and things like it
paradrop: deliver by parachute
paratha: flatbread
pariah: me
partita: instrumental piece of variations
patella, -ae; knee joint stuff, oft missed
patent, patentee: re patents
patly: suitably
peke: short for Pekingese
pelf: dishonestly gotten money
pellicle: thin skin or membrane
penman, men: scribe
pentane: organic compound
pepita: edible pumpkin or squash seed
peplum: short attached overskirt or ruffle
peptide: class of organic compounds
petit: petty
pewee: flycatcher bird
phalli: the penis
pharaoh: spelling check
phial: a vial
philhellene: lover of Greece and it’s culture
phlegmy: full of phlegm
phoneme: smallest unit of word sound
phyllo: pastry dough in thin sheets
piccata: Italian dish
pidgin: simplified language
pinniped: aquatic mammal; seal, etc.
pinny: a pinafore
pipet: alt. form of pipette
pipit: a type of songbird
pippin: an apple grown from seed
piratic: re pirates
pita: oft missed
pitapat: tapping sound
pith: soft inner tissue of feather, hair, plant
piton: metal spike for mountain climbing
plat: to plait or braid
platypli: plural of platypus
plena: Puerto Rican music
plenum: meeting with all present
plie: ballet move
poblano: type of chili pepper
podia: pl. of podium
polygonal: having many angles
polyp: oft missed
polyphony: multiplicity of sounds
pome: fleshy fruit w/seed chambers
pomelo: a fruit
pommel: to beat, pummel
pompano: a type of fish
poplin: ribbed fabric
poppa: dad
potlatch: ceremonial feast of NW Indians
priapic: phallus related
prion: misfolded protein
proton: positively charged nucleon
puli: Hungarian sheep dog
pule: cry weakly, whimper
pupal: re the insect stage
quanta: smallest amount of radiation
radicchio: any of a variety of chicory
radii: pl. of radius
raffia: tree, reed for baskets
raga: melodic Hindu music type
ragu: thick pasta sauce
raita: an Indian salad or condiment
raita: Indian salad or yogurt
ramify: to have complicating consequences
rani: wife of a raja
rapini: broccoli rabe, from China
riparian: re river banks
rondo: musical form w/contrasts
rood: crucifix
roti: Caribbean pastry
tabard: a short, heavy cape of coarse cloth
tabla: small drum
tabor: small drum
tacet: be silent, as a direction
taffeta: fabric type
taiga: snow forest
taillamp: taillight
tali: plural of talus, ankle bones
tallit: prayer shawl
tamari: soy sauce made with no wheat
tanka: boat used in Canton; forceful expression
tannin: plant tissues used in tanning leather
tant: a small scarlet arachnidnana
tantara: trumpet
tantra: esoteric yogic tradition
tapa: Spanish snack
tarmac: runway
taro: edible Asian and S. Amer. plant
tartan: patterned cloth
tatami: often missed by morons who lived in Japan
taxa: pl. of taxon, phylum, order, family, etc.
taxon: a taxonomic group
teff: African grain
telehealth: real word
telos: end goal, reason for being
tempi: music: plural of tempo
tenant: renter
tenon: wood joint making projection
theta: eighth letter of Greek alphabet
tibial: re tibia
tiki: male Polynesian figure
tilth: tilled earth
tinct: tint
tinhorn: petty braggart
tinily: of sound
tipi: alt. form of teepee
tippet: shaw
titan: oft missed
titivate: to dress or smarten up
titration: determining concentration of something
toccata: Baroque music
tommyrot: nonsense
tonne: 1,000 kg
tontine: investment plan w/shares, annuities
toonie: $2 Canadian coin
tope: small shark, grove of trees, Buddhist sepulcher
toponym: place name
toponymy: study of place names
tori: Japanese gate; plural of torus
torii: Shinto gate
toroid: closed curve shape
torta: sandwich type; crushed silver ore
tortoni: an Italian ice cream
totem: sacred thing to tribes
tramcar: a car on a tram
trattoria: small, Italian-style restaurant
trillionth: big number
tritium: rare isotope of hydrogen
tromp: to walk heavily
troubadour: strolling minstrel
tuffet: low seat or tuft of grass
tutti: in music, all together
ulna: arm bone
umpteen: large unspecified number
unilingual: one language
unman; unmanning
unpin: remove a pin
uptilt: to tilt upward
uvea: middle layer of the eye
valence: combining capacity of atom
venial: easily excused, pardonable
villanelle: 19-line poem
viny: having to do with vines
vivace: lively, in music
vlog: real word in Spelling Bee
wahine: woman surfer, Polynesian woman
weepie: excessively sentimental film or play
whinnied: the horse did it
wight: a living being; creature
wigwag, -ing: to move back and forth
wino: drunk
woohoo: legit in Spelling Bee
wryly: in a wry way, duh
xenon: colorless noble gas element
yecch: like yech
yenta, yente: matchmaker, gossip
yippee: spelliing
yogi: yoga expert
yond: short for yonder
zingy: valid word
zinnia: plant family
zirconia: synthetic gem

Sunday, April 14, 2019

I knew her in college

the pyramid club east village 1985 Sara Krulwich New York Times
The Pyramid Club, East Village, 1985. Sara Krulwich/New York Times

Today's New York Times has a supplement of dance photography through the ages. It features dance of all kinds. Toward the end of it, I saw this photo. I knew the woman on the right. She was a year behind me in college. Her name is Rachel.
Rachel was different in good ways. She was from the South, Tennessee, and the college was in Ohio. She didn't know how to dress in the north, so she'd wear a big down coat to the dining hall, take it off and be wearing a sleeveless little dress underneath. Logical, but it would be jarring to see exposed flesh on a February twenty-degree day, even inside. She was quiet but smart. After college, she moved to New York City, did nothing jobs, and became something of a fixture at clubs because she'd jump up on tables and counters and dance. She wasn't an attention seeker; she just loved to dance. She was small, maybe five-two, and would've wanted the space she could get by being on a counter. 
After a few years of this, she settled down, got a degree to become a veterinarian, moved to Seattle and did that for awhile. Then she quit that and pursued a career in her college major, which was art.
I bet she got a kick out of seeing this photo.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Rules for Thanksgiving

Two rules for Thanksgiving:
Tommy Orange
Tommy Orange, author of There There.

1. Do not call it "Turkey day" or say "gobble gobble" in any context. It is the opposite of funny, unless you're talking to someone under the age of seven.
2. Do not engage in political discussions at the table or at any time during the gathering. If you must, read this article before you do so you can avoid saying things that are demonstrably false: NYTimes. Much better, though, would be reading this article: NYTimesII. Neither of these are lefty articles. Or righty.
In my case, I had an argument with one brother on Sunday. Not that I'd planned on spending the day with him and his family. The second brother has invited me but I'd be the only one at his table with the political and social opinions that I have and I'm not good company these days anyway, so I've declined, saying I "have other plans." My best Thanksgivings are the ones I've spent alone, and this will be one of them. 
A factual paragraph from the prologue of Tommy Orange's excellent 2018 novel, There There:
In 1621, colonists invited Massasoit, the chief of the Wampanoags, to a feast after a recent land deal. Massasoit came with ninety of his men. That meal is why we still eat a meal together in November. Celebrate it as a nation. But that one wasn't a thanksgiving meal. It was a land-deal meal. Two years later there was another, similar meal meant to symbolize eternal friendship. Two hundred Indians dropped dead that night from an unknown poison.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Stolen Philip Roth interview

Charles McGrath interviewed the writer Philip Roth by email recently. When you're ill with a bad prognosis, certain things jump out at you, of course. 
I've always liked Roth, though I haven't read everything he's written. Here's a part of the interview that was published on the New York Times' website Jan. 16, 2018. The rest is at least as interesting.

Charles McGrath In a few months you’ll turn 85. Do you feel like an elder? What has growing old been like?

Philip Roth Yes, in just a matter of months I’ll depart old age to enter deep old age—easing ever deeper daily into the redoubtable Valley of the Shadow. Right now it is astonishing to find myself still here at the end of each day. Getting into bed at night I smile and think, “I lived another day.” And then it’s astonishing again to awaken eight hours later and to see that it is morning of the next day and that I continue to be here. “I survived another night,” which thought causes me to smile once more. I go to sleep smiling and I wake up smiling. I’m very pleased that I’m still alive. Moreover, when this happens, as it has, week after week and month after month since I began drawing Social Security, it produces the illusion that this thing is just never going to end, though of course I know that it can stop on a dime. It’s something like playing a game, day in and day out, a high-stakes game that for now, even against the odds, I just keep winning. We will see how long my luck holds out.
Philip Roth
Philip Roth.

Monday, March 30, 2015

A stupid phrase, but ...

The Complete and Total Loser only uses the phrase What the fuck? in jest. Not when he read the following, though, in the New York Times:


DÜSSELDORF, Germany — The co-pilot of the Germanwings jetliner that crashed in the French Alps on Tuesday had been treated for “suicidal tendencies” before receiving his pilot’s license, the office of the German prosecutor in Düsseldorf said Monday.
The co-pilot, Andreas Lubitz, had been treated by psychotherapists “over a long period of time,” the prosecutor’s office said, without providing precise dates. In follow-up visits to doctors since that time, the prosecutor said, “no signs of suicidal tendencies or outward aggression were documented.”
Mr. Lubitz’s medical records show no physical illnesses, the prosecutor said.
Mr. Lubitz, 27, was at the controls of a Germanwings Airbus A320 jetliner on Tuesday, en route from Barcelona, Spain, to Düsseldorf, Germany, when he set it on a course to crash into the mountains in southeastern France, a French prosecutor has said. Cockpit voice recordings document that Mr. Lubitz was alone in the cockpit and refused to allow the captain to re-enter as the plane crashed, killing all 150 people on board.

germanwings victims

The Loser is a liberal type, all for giving people second and third chances, trusting them, etc. But not an airline pilot. Also, not a surgeon, military official, law enforcement officer, or operator of any large passenger vehicle. 

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A Loser salute to Red Klotz!

If you're going to read a New York Times obituary today, skip the earnest one on Nadine Gordimer and read the one on Red Klotz, who led the teams (their names varied but they usually went as the Washington Nationals) that lost to the Harlem Globetrotters for so many years.
Mr. Klotz, you were exactly one month younger than the Complete and Total Loser's father, who died two years ago and you were born and raised in the same city, Philadelphia. You made thousands laugh in your guise as a loser. And you even one a game, the obit says, on January 5 of 1971, making you a little less than a complete and total loser, but losing at that makes you, in the Complete and Total Loser's eyes, an honorary kinsman. 
Mr. Red Klotz.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

What no one thought about

The Complete and Total Loser is a genius but no one but him knows it.
For example, he's years ahead of anyone else he's heard of when it comes to the concept of downloading your brain onto a computer, thereby attaining a form of immortality. 
The New York Times had an article on the topic in, oddly, its business section on Sunday, and no one in the article nor any of the fifty-six people commenting on it saw the flaw with the whole idea that the Loser found child's play to spot. 
Most argued in various ways about whether it could be done. Answer: Yes, someday. Others debated whether it should be done. Answer: Irrelevant. That which can be done, will be done, no matter how hard anyone tries to stop it.
Here is the problem with it:
When computers are sophisticated enough to download your brain, they'll also be sophisticated enough to create a reality for you to live in. That's great. Your virtual self will be able to walk down virtual streets, eat virtual food with friends, and do everything to as satisfying a degree as a real person. But when that's possible, it will also be possible to rewrite your programming. 
The Loser would like to try life as a winner. He'd like to be a handsome movie star, a powerful leader, a great athlete, a successful writer. Hell, why not all four? That will never happen with his limited intelligence and poor social skills, however, so they'll have to be redone entirely. 
Do you see the problem yet?
It's simple. At some point, and it wouldn't take long, he -- or anyone else who wants to be different, which would be everyone in time (remember, this will last for thousands of years), you won't be you anymore. You'll be some ideal person with an ever dimming memory of you, a memory of someone you're well rid of.
So what's the point?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Loser's Favorite Thing to Do

Being what he is, the Complete and Total Loser lives alone and sleeps on a Posturepedic twin mattress that's on a low futon frame (his aging back said "no" to futons a decade ago). He has a bright light directly above his head. One of those new LED bulbs that doesn't buzz (watch it; some do, and loud). 
On his days off, which are Monday and Tuesday (losers often work weekends), his favorite thing to do is lie in bed and go through the weekend papers and the magazines that have piled up over the week or, being honest, past several months. 
He does this, and has for years, in a way even he finds peculiar despite his being the one who's doing it. He layers his reading material on the floor on left side of his bed, lies on his back and reads. When he decrees the item read he puts it on the floor on the bed's right, without any attempt to do so neatly. He knows that he'll be the one who has to pick up and neatly stack all the paper's for Wednesday's recycling, but he acts, while reading, as if he won't be. He's like an ape eating fruit, discarding peels and rinds without a thought or care where they go.
Then, when he's gathering the papers and magazines on Tuesday night, it takes him far more time and effort to do so than it would if he'd been neat about it in the first place. Part of him enjoys seeing the history of what he's read. The New York Times, the Sunday edition of the local paper, the small tabloid distributed by his city's mass transit system, the occasional alternative weekly, a thick monthly magazine or New Yorker, both which needed a willful effort to toss (you want to keep New Yorkers for months, to read that long article explaining the financial mess or reread that short story that seemed so brilliant but now, when you look at the title, you're not sure if you read or not), guilty pleasures like the comics and Parade Magazine, a Land's End catalog, the alumni quarterly from his prep school or private college, which he reads now only to see if the girls at the college are pretty (his prep school was all boys) and if any one he knew died.
The floor eventually cleared, the Loser's heart feels a little lighter and he's ready to begin again.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Loser Waits on a Superior's Mother

The Complete and Total Loser is at work, doing his pointless retail job. A woman, in her late sixties perhaps, comes in and buys a few items. The Loser takes her credit card and, before swiping it, sees that she’s written “Ask for I.D.” on the signing strip. He does so and notices that her driver’s license shows that she has the same hometown as the one he grew up in.
“I grew up in W_____ myself,” the Loser says as the sale is processed. The woman asks which part. The Loser tells her and agrees with her when she says that’s not really W____ but the fringe and that the primary similarity was the ZIP Code. Then he mentions that the center of W____ was nonetheless close to him and that he worked at the local movie theater for several years while in college.
The woman says that her son, too, had worked there cleaning the theater after closing and, with a mother’s pride, adds that “Now he’s a successful journalist.”
The Loser puts her name together and realizes that her son is more than a successful journalist; he’s among the top tier of American journalists working today, a well regarded New York Times staff columnist, author of a well-reviewed book on current culture and a frequent guest on the Sunday morning news shows. He's known for being a conservative but who sees the liberal point of view. He is pro gay marriage, pro Obama. 
The Loser was a journalist, too, but not a very good one. He worked for a local weekly and did well enough at that level but failed to get promoted reporter after a year as an editorial assistant at a larger news organization. Sometimes he tells himself it was because he started that career too late in life (38) or didn't play the political office games well or lacked confidence in his ideas. But he knows that ultimately he just wasn't good enough.  
David Brooks

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Final Thoughts

The New York Times published an article January 18 about the survivors of the US Airways Flight 1549 water landing January 15 in which all survived but for the birds whose bodies clogged the engines. (Why can't they make a shield to prevent that?) The article was about what goes through the minds of survivors of similar accidents as they head toward an uncertain fate.
"All I could think about," said a 50-year old nurse who'd recently been in a plane that lost an engine, "was my garage. How I hadn't cleaned it, and how messy it would be when someone came in and saw it. It's crazy what you think about."
That would be the Complete and Total Loser. I hope that if I don't die in my sleep I at least have a nice thought as I do. Chances are, with my being a Complete and Total Loser, that won't be the case.
Did I flush the toilet? Why isn't my dirty underwear in my laundry bag instead of near it on the floor? Why didn't I make a simple will to prevent what little money I have going to the state? Who will clean out my stuff? What will they make of my reading choices? And the pornography? There's not much of it, but what's there they might find ... 
airplane crash site
questionable. Why didn't I go out more? Take more chances in life? At least I wouldn't be about to die in coach. What will happen to my Netflix account and all the other automatic withdrawal things I have? Why didn't I vacuum my apartment? It only takes five minutes. Will the shirts I left at the laundry be dontated to charity someday? I wonder if I have time to write a note before the plane hits. If I do write one, where should I put it? Under my sock? In a pocket? Tuck it down my underwear? That'd be weird. Would people think I'm some kind of pervert if I do that? Who'd want to touch it? Maybe I should put it—
Crash.