Saturday, July 12, 2014

The Loser's Pens

An interest in pens would rate high on the male dork list, somewhere around playing dungeons and dragons, coin or stamp collecting, and conspiracy theories.
The Complete and Total Loser loves pen.
How many pens do you need? One. What kind do you need? Any. A Bic. It doesn't matter. Even people who get misty eyed when they talk about the niceness of hand-written cards and letter write few words a year by hand these days.
These are the Loser's pens. He likes them all for different reasons. Lately, pens have gotten bigger with rubberized grips, even as people use them less. The Loser used to like such pens, but now has become fond of slim ones. They look so fragile in his hand, which is large, yet they write the same.
The Loser's main pens. On top is a Fisher Space Pen, then a Mont Blanc, a no-name, a Sheaffer and his latest, a Parker Jotter.

His latest pen is the Parker Jotter. Watching "Masters of Sex" made him want one. They all seem to use them on that show, with the hierarchy showing; the office workers use the two-tone plastic and metal versions, the doctors the full metal ones.
In 1983 the Loser bought a Fisher Space Pen. He used it faithfully and it traveled overseas with him for half a decade (the Loser seldom loses such things). 
The Loser had no children. Most of what he owns will be thrown out. What little isn't will be given to strangers. He likes the idea of someone picking up a Fisher pen dulled by patina and being surprised that it still writes -- their ink cartridges last for many decades, unlike those of other pens that dry up in less than one.
There are dozens of subtle pen things the Loser could go on about at length. For example, he likes pens you click to get the point out rather than those you turn or uncap because it signals a start to writing. He could talk about how the barrels of some pens unscrew in his hand and how annoying that is. He even is fussy about how snugly the point fits in the tip, and how the excess movement when the point it put to paper, though miniscule, bothers the Loser. 
He won't go on.  No one reads his blog already.


  1. Pish posh, my good man! Plenty of chaps read this blog on a regular basis!

  2. And plenty of us have Fisher Space Pens and hope you find a new job.