Monday, April 15, 2013

Why the Loser Collects Coins

If you're young, or old and have good things going on in your life, the reason the Complete and Total Loser keeps the wheat pennies, silver dimes and quarters, nickels with a P over the dome, and aging bills he finds in his loser job as a cashier at a store that sells nothing anyone needs will escape you.
But if you're around the Loser's age (over 50) and have as few years left as he does (none which, it seems, will be particularly good ones), you may be getting a sentimental, uninformed interest in history and understand the Loser's coin pursuit.
The quarter in the picture below is a rare find. If it were in good condition, which it isn't, it would be worth around $4.00. The most it could possibly be worth, according to the coin website,, would be $33, and that's if it had been minted in Denver (it wasn't) and was uncirculated (duh, nope).
Look at all the little nicks and scratches on it and how worn it is, though. This coin has been out there for all or most of its 72 years. It survived piggy banks, holes in pockets, cracks in decks, wishing wells, and America's going off the silver standard (bad idea, it turns out) and switching to copper coins in 1965. It may have traveled the world and been spent by war heroes and future presidents, used as tips by great artists, and flipped by murderers. After all that, it somehow found its way to a cash register drawer, unnoticed by the Loser's coworkers, and ended up in the Loser's back left pocket, taken to his house and separated from other change. 
It will be stored as a keepsake in a box until the Loser dies and it's discovered by the workers hired to go through and dispose of the material objects he leaves behind.

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