Saturday, October 29, 2011


Episcopalian ministers used to call themselves ministers but these days they call themselves priests. It's an adoption of Catholic terminology and the Complete and Total Loser gets this. While "minister" and "priest" may be as equivalent in the religion game as "lieutenant" and "captain" are in the Navy and Army, when fighting demonic possession or administering last rites, people call for a priest. Even Episcopalians.
The Episcopalian minister who met with the Loser and most of his remaining family (one brother was absent) to help plan their mother's service following her death Tuesday told them to "use this opportunity to bond as a family."
The problem is the eldest of the three sons (the Loser is number three). The man is, by any description, an asshole. Nearly 60, his sense of humor is frozen in time from when he was an adolescent. He delights in making mere misstatements of fact designed to upset and worry others. He carries these lies -- they don't rise to the level of a joke -- for long minutes before telling people he was "kidding" and further humiliating them by telling them they have "no sense of humor."
This is teasing, not joking, a bully's way. It is like stealing the crutches from a cripple, laughing at his agitation, returning them only when satisfied at the level of torment.
The Loser's brother does this to everyone. The Loser, of course, friends, family members and even his dying mother. Earlier today, after the Loser told his brother to try to inflict less stress on their 91-year-old father, he asked the Loser, "Do you believe exercise is good for you?" The Loser answered "Yes."
"Well," the Loser's brother said, "if it's good to get your heart going when you're exercising, I'm doing the same thing with Dad."
You read that correctly. The Loser's brother, father of two, founder of a company that bears his name, owner of four houses in three states, has no idea that there are different kinds of stress and that not all are beneficial.
Girl with Indian Statue Wissahickon Park
This photo's of the Loser's mother when she was a little girl. It appeared in an issue of The National Geographic Magazine in the 1938.

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