Monday, January 19, 2009

Chewing Gum

Do not chew gum in public if you are an adult. It looks horrible. The only people who look good chewing gum are teenagers with their minds elsewhere, staring into space. The Complete and Total Loser quit late, at age 30. "I'm too old to chew gum," he said to himself, and stopped immediately. If you think you look good chewing gum hire a private detective to follow you day and night and video you chewing gum when you think no one is looking. Then watch that video.
guy chewing gum
You'll see.
If you must chew gum for health reasons, dispose of it properly. Do not spit it out on sidewalks. If you put it in a trash can, even a lined trash can, wrap it in something first. The only time you can spit it out is when driving if it is sure to go on the road. There, it will be mashed into the road, strengthening it. The Federal Highway Administration has estimated that if all America's gum chewers spat their gum onto paved roadways the annual savings on state and federal highway repairs would total approximately $4.1 million. This is a provable fact that the Loser made up.

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