Things are not what they seem

Things are not what they seem. Not always, that is. Sometimes they are. But not always. Take that couple in love, the rich man or woman, the successful actor, singer, writer or artist, the smooth body of water. All seems good, but underneath is a roiling mass of confusion, doubt, sadness, anxiety. Or water.

Looks like this van is supporting that large boom, doesn't it? It's not.

How to Fold a T-shirt

It's Friday night and he's folding T-shirts. Him. The Complete and Total Loser. Folding T-shirts at work. 

This is pathetic, he thinks, and he's been doing it since 2002. 

Then he thinks that times being what they are, how many others would be happy to be folding T-shirts at work, where you're paid enough to live on and have full health benefits?

Plenty, he thinks.

A voice inside speaks up, like those cartoon angels and devils on the shoulder.

How many white men would feel that way? 

All right. Fewer.

How many white men with graduate degrees?

Yeah, well. Fewer still.

How many white men with graduate degrees with experience in the field they studied?

Some, I'm sure.

How many white men with graduate degrees with experience in the field they studied who will be 54 years old in less than a month who are constantly told they can do better than this yet have been doing it for a decade?

Uh ... Can't say. 

Not perfect, but fairly neat is what the Loser strives for.

This Week's Argument

The Complete and Total Loser's father is slipping physically and cognitively. No fun to see. On the phone he talks to people and refers to them in the second person. He says "Goodbye dear" to men and denies saying it after the call is completed. He has trouble getting around the house, even though there are just a few steps to navigate. 

Most worrisome of all, he's barely eating.

On the interesting side, his mind at times reels back to events and times he's never mentioned before and the Loser doesn't have to hear the old saws about the Civil War and prostate cancer.

Today, the Loser's father told of a man he'd known in high school who, five years ago, told the Loser's father that he (the Loser's father) hadn't fulfilled the promise he's shown in high school. 

The Loser and his father, 1971.

The Loser has two problems with this. One, he'd never heard of this man before today, so how well could the man have possibly known his father? The Loser's father has, by all accounts, had an enormously successful life. A great house in the suburbs, a loyal wife, and two of his three sons are successful and have had grandchildren who are happy, healthy people. None of his offspring has committed a crime or had a serious addiction problem of any kind. Even the least of his sons (the Loser) has never asked him for money, and all three visit or communicate with him regularly.

The Loser's father survived World War Two, had no seriously long periods of unemployment and has traveled to places that as a child were as remote to him as the moon (China).

The second problem the Loser has with this is that his father doesn't see what a mean thing it was for someone to say. The Loser's father says, "It wasn't bad of him. He was being honest!" It took the Loser long minutes to get his father to see that those who say things that can't possibly benefit those who hear them or anyone in any way are not doing a good thing in any way. If it does no good to say something, why say it?

The Five Qualities Needed for Success in Life

There are five things needed to be successful in life. A person can be successful with one of any of them, if they have enough of that quality, or a combination of just two or three of them in varying strengths. They are confidence, passion, talent, likability and intelligence.

The Complete and Total Loser lacks them all.

Many idiots are too dumb to know how dumb they are but are confident in their abilities or beliefs. Most in positions to hire others or otherwise make things happen are as insecure as everyone else and are therefore drawn to confident people.

People also like and trust those with passion but even if they’re not, passionate people will work hard to achieve their aims even the outcome looks uncertain or bad, and they often succeed. And if they only partially achieve what they set out to do, it’s fine with them; they’ve enjoyed the quest.

Those with talent, either naturally present or achieved through hard work thanks to passion can succeed. They can do things well others do badly and they can do them faster. It’s important, however, that their talent is for something that will be in demand for a long time.

Likable people know how to network and when people meet them they hire them. When someone’s hiring someone else, the main question they’re asking themselves, in addition to whether or not they can do the job well, is if they’ll want to spend all week in a room with them.

Intelligence is valuable when applied to a career. If someone’s very intelligent they can have poor hygiene, be socially inept and not care much about what they do yet still succeed.

The Loser has forever doubted his abilities in everything and self deprecates so often it annoys others. He doesn’t feel strongly about much and certainly nothing that would earn money. His interests and likes are broad, yet shallow. He has never been very good at anything and admires those who are. The kid who could draw, sing, hit a target with a rock, make adults laugh. How do they do that? the Loser wondered.

For years others told the Loser that how he feels about himself determines how others feel about him, but he’s never seen any evidence of this. There have been periods as long as months at a time when he’s felt positive and optimistic about himself and the world but even then women looked away, children withdrew and dogs snapped at his extended hand.

The Loser has always been at or near the bottom of his class from elementary school through college. He did do well in graduate school, but it was a third-tier school (if that) and the course of study was in a dying field (journalism).

Taking Stock

Things I haven't figured out even though I am half a century old:
Women
How do you talk to them? They say they want to be treated like anyone else but if you talk to them like you do to men they flee. I've never had a long-term relationship. I came close once but it didn't work out. After six weeks things dissolved. I've read that as a rule if you haven't had a committed relationship by the time you're 40, you're probably not cut out for it. Reading this brought me relief in a way. Free from the obligation of trying, I can do what I want to do. And yet ... there are those nights when lying on my twin mattress with a book isn't enough. I see others unite with ease while I am like a dog at a closed door, frustrated, leaping up and scratching the wood with my claws, unable to turn the knob.
Career Success
I make less than a third of what the average man my age earns. I have a master's degree yet I work retail, my feet aching at the end of each day, my pocket knife dulled from cutting open boxes. Most of my coworkers are half my age, there for a short while en route to other positions. I made more, years ago. Then I overreached, crashed.
Money 
Investing, planning, buying real estate. Never did it. Perhaps I'm better off given the current state of things. Two years ago I opened an account at ingdirect.com and I put any extra money I have in it and have money transferred out of my account weekly. Small amounts here and there but it's added up. I could live for over a year on what I've saved. Years ago, while traveling in Indonesia, I met a Russian who escaped from Russia when that was hard to do. He fled to Canada, played professional ice hockey then went into business for himself. He was in his 50s, wore a Rolex, had a French Canadian girlfriend who was interesting, smart, gorgeous and half his age, and a stack of $50 traveler's checks an inch thick. He traveled with a backgammon board and played for money when he could. "Playing backgammon without using the doubling cube," he said, "is like playing chess without the kings." I played chess with him once. I'm unschooled in the game, but not bad for a casual player. Or so I thought. He moved out all his pawns just for fun, let me take few key pieces, grew bored after some minutes and checkmated me in five moves. He and his girlfriend were headed in a few days to Bali by ship. "You want to learn to make money? Come with us. I'll tell you everything you need to know in two days." I didn't and have wondered ever since what he knew that I could have learned.
What I have figured out:
I am a complete and total loser.