The Godmother

The Complete and Total Loser bumped into his godmother the other day while shopping at a supermarket he doesn't usually go to. 
A lovely woman, she was a childhood friend of the Loser's mother, who died nearly three years ago after some years of decrepitude. The Loser's godmother is as lively as ever at 82, clear-eyed, energetic, optimistic and fun. It surprises the Loser when he meets people like this; he tends to define people that age in terms of his mother.
His mother's friends sometimes had pasts the Loser never heard about until they died. The woman pictured, for

This woman rode Seabiscuit when she was a girl.

example. Here, she's on a New Jersey beach (Avalon) in 1963 or so. Another longtime friend of the Loser's mother, he always liked her and was friends in childhood with her son. The Loser attended her funeral a decade ago and read in a handout that among other interesting things she had done, she had, as a child, frequently ridden a retired racehorse. That racehorse was Seabiscuit.

Seabiscuit.

The Loser Completes this Sentence

The Complete and Total Loser is at the age where he thinks he knows his loser self and how the rest of his stupid, loser life will play out. He thought to himself about something specific he never has or ever will do, then realized that it sounded like a writing exercise of some kind. 

Below is the exercise and the Loser's answers:

Complete this sentence ten or more times:

I never have and I never will ...
... kill someone
... knowingly eat cat meat
... stomp on ants just because
... get married
... have a girlfriend
... make more than the current equivalent of $40,000 a year
... attend a high school or college reunion
... go to Africa
... pay for sex
... write a story or novel that makes money
... watch a football game, live or on TV
... hunt
... save a life
... learn to play a musical instrument
... write a song
... be asked for an opinion by a professional journalist
... have kids
... believe in a deity of any kind
... pilot an airplane
... feel comfortable at social gatherings
... try heroin
... be a good speller
... win more than $7 on a lottery ticket
... shoplift
... be good with gardens and houseplants
... be able to draw well
... learn a foreign language well
... appreciate opera
... eat the recommended number of servings of fruits and vegetables consistently
... be good at carpentry
... bother with analysis
... be good at math
... complete a New York Times crossword puzzle, even the easy one on Monday
... understand relativity
... have a fulfilling job I enjoy
... not need an alarm clock to get to work on time
... be a winner

Your turn.

You can never go wrong if you aim low and expect to fail.