I learned this morning that on August 3 I'll have a chunk of my pelvis larger than my fist hacked out of my right hip in an effort to slow down the cancer that caused the amputation of my right leg two and a half years ago.
Upsetting? Yeah. The mind is a selfish beast and mine, when it gets news like this, forgets that my odds of being alive right now were about three-to-one against. People get greedy for good news, and it clouds our feelings. We forget the many mitigating factors.
The picture above is of the parking lot at the suburban Philadelphia train station I went to today to take a train into the city. I took it around seven o'clock on a Tuesday morning. Usually at that time the area nearest the camera would be filled with the cars of people commuting to work, with more cars arriving in a consistent flow. It was nearly empty because of the virus and the many deaths and job losses it's caused, with many more, in America, on their way.
I need to remind myself of this when self pity begins to seep in.
I'm so sorry to hear that! Personally, I think it's okay to give yourself space to wallow in self pity (i.e. grief) for a bit before rediscovering gratitude again. But then, it's weird how much it can sometimes help to remember it can all be so much worse!
ReplyDelete"Self grief" should be a phrase that doesn't incite accusations of weak character. You're right that a little indulgence in it isn't awful, so long as it doesn't blind you to the feelings and needs of others.
DeleteOh my. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for that.
DeleteI'm so sorry you're having to go through this. After the surgery, will they do radiation?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern.
DeleteUnfortunately, there are types of bone cancer that do not respond at all to radiation or chemotherapy and that's what I've got. There's a chance of cutting it all out but a greater chance that it will eat me completely over time.