100 reasons why it's better to be a guy

I found this list in a box of things from twenty years ago. So much has changed since then, but a lot of this is still true.

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female
3. You know stuff about tanks
4. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase
5. Monday night football
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives
7. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter
8. You can open all your own jars
9. Old friends don't give a crap if you've lost or gained weight
10. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
12. You ass is never a factor in a job interview
13. All your orgasms are real
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around
    
    everywhere you go
17. You understand why Stripes is funny
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
19. Your last name stays put
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you
22. You can kill your own food
23. The garage is all yours
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow
27. You never have to clean the toilet
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack
33. The National College Cheer leading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
35. You don't have to shave below your neck
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices
38. You can write your name in the snow
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest
40. Everything on your face stays its original color
41. Chocolate is just another snack
42. You can be president
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
44. Flowers fix everything
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think
51. Foreplay is optional
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut
59. You and your buddy can watch a game in silence for hours without thinking even once: "Gee He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
64. One mood, all the time
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing
69. Same work more pay
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen
77. The remote is yours and yours alone
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
79. ESPN's sports center
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it!"
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary
90. The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere