It's common to second guess yourself after doing these things and I have. The fluid was sent out for testing and it turns out Raymond had a sarcoma cancer in his lymphocytes. I'm probably saying that wrong. The main
thing of interest, to me, is that sarcoma is the type of cancer that required amputation of my leg in February of 2018 and is likely to kill me in a couple of years despite that. It often affects the lungs and kills you that way. This makes Raymond a harbinger of sorts.
Initially, I said to have him part of a mass cremation. Early the next day, I changed my mind opted instead to have him cremated solo and his ashes returned to me. Yeah, I know: Ten to one they just scoop out an approximate amount of ashes and say they're of your cat or dog. Nonetheless, I wanted to take him back to his home in some way. This kind of touchy-feely thing is not my way, though I'm polite enough not to judge others.
The pet crematorium put the ashes in a nice little box. It has brass fittings and a small padlock. Why a padlock? My guess is that it keeps kids in the house from opening the box to get a look at their late pet's ashes, an act that will lead to the usual bad things kids do. Spillage.
My parent's ashes are in cardboard containers in a closet downstairs. My dead cat has it better than my dead parents. Perverse, no?
If you still had doubts about your decision, you can dismiss those now that yo know Raymond had cancer. Poor kitty. It really would have been unkind to keep him alive when he would have faced increased suffering. It sounds as if your own situation is different since you seem to continue to get clean results when you are tested. Too bad I can't contact you directly via email so we could compare notes on our various ailments. I live on the West Coast and am also in my 60's, but at the latter end of the decade while you are a "youngster" in your early 60's.
ReplyDeleteTake care and, once again, condolences on the loss of Raymond.
Thank you for your kind and supportive words. I know you're right about my decision, and I've known it on some level since doing it, but there's always that little shred of doubt.
DeleteA funny thing about getting older is that you always think of anyone five or ten years younger than you as just a kid. In some ways, it's often true, depending on how their lives are going.
A way to get an email address to someone like me, with a moderated comment page, is to post it as a comment, which I'd delete unpublished after noting the address. There is, of course, an element of trust involved and I wouldn't recommend it to everyone.
Sorry for your loss. I understand you why you need to made a decision of pet euthanasia . Be strong and the right time will come to understand and accept everything.
ReplyDeleteYeah, when my 25 year old cat died I cradled him in my arms til his last agonal breath. He was in pain, disoriented, and experiencing multi-organ failure. You've heard the expression, "I wouldn't have treated a dog that way"? I regret to this day--10 years later--not having him put down by a vet. Certainly having him die at home was one of the worst decisions in my life.
ReplyDeleteIt's surprising how long the guilt we have over such things remains, but remember—he would have died in worse circumstances in nature, and far sooner. When I was a kid, a cat living for twenty-five years was unheard of.
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