I'm sitting in front of the fireplace in our den. I'm guessing it's autumn from the items on the mantle, but that's like me to be barefoot at that time of year in southeastern Pennsylvania even so. The sweatshirt I'm wearing has the image of Winnie the Pooh eating honey. That sweatshirt was my favorite item of clothing and I wore it constantly enough that it would go long periods of time without being washed.
I wasn't a big Winnie the Pooh fan. I still haven't read any of the books. I think the sweatshirt just offered me a kind of baggy security that I wanted. I couldn't have worn it to school, though, as my school, an all-boys college preparatory one, had a strict dress code even in the lower grades.
The photo is in bad shape but I like it. I'm genuinely happy in it and, being a few years off from hitting my moody adolescence, it's one of the few photographs I have of myself in which my happiness shows. I'm pretty sure my mother took the picture with, probably, a Kodak Instamatic camera.
I found my way here by way of the link you left on your post in the NY Times and I've read through all of your posts.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're a loser, just someone who regrets some of the decisions we've made and opportunities lost. I'm a little older than you and that's kind of where I'm at now, too.
I'm really sorry to hear about your health issues. You've certainly been given a lot to deal with.
I found your blog like Anonymous (above) from you NYT comment and have read through the archives as well. Anonymous (above) captures my sentiments as well succinctly (so hard to get over regret). I am so very sorry for all you've been going through.
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Thanks for the kind thoughts. We always think we're mentally prepared to cope with whatever life throws at us, but when bad things happen we learn that sometimes we're wrong about that.
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