A Simple Observation

A confused man.

For years well-meaning people have told the Complete and Total Loser to ignore what others say about him and that what he thinks and how he feels about himself is all that matters.

Then those same people tell him to stop being down on himself when he speaks of his many, many (you would not believe how many) failures and shortcomings. "You're interesting! You have skills! You have abilities!" they say. And he is supposed to listen to them.

Is the Loser the only one who sees a contradiction here?

The Gray Sheep of the Family

The Complete and Total Loser likes to think he’s an original thinker, or at least someone who has an original idea or concept now and then. He’s not. Jokes have popped into his head, aphorisms, observations, turns of phrase, but at some point he comes across better versions of them, some predating his own by centuries.

Here’s his latest idea: The Gray Sheep. The phrase “the black sheep of the family” is well known to most for being synonymous with the family ne’er do well. They are the ones who get pregnant or get someone pregnant in their teenage years, do jail time, get addicted to drugs or alcohol and borrow money from relatives who never see it again. They shame their family name, sometimes publicly. How many Germans have the last name Hitler? How many Americans go by Oswald? Not many, probably.

Black sheep are, however, often colorful. They take risks, investing in mad people or ideas, pulling up stakes and heading for big cities, shedding the few worldly goods they may have for the life of a prophet. They are the funny uncle, the eccentric aunt, the kookie cousins of their family.

The Loser is not that. He is the gray sheep of his family. His wildest aspirations have been to goals average people consider mediocre. In the eyes of his family, his failures have taken him from the middle ground to the middle ground; they find no discernible difference. At his best and at his worst, his status and way of living never change. Own a house? Never. A car? Years ago, but an embarrassing junker he eventually sold for just $100. A girlfriend? Please.

When the Loser bumps into his parents' friends, the ask him what he's doing now. The Loser has two older brothers, successful, rich, happy, married, the sires of children and bosses of many. In the very few interactions the Loser has had with his brothers’ newer friends, even ones who are good social friends, they’ve expressed surprise at his existence. Here’s something pathetic: At first, this surprised the Loser. As much of a loser as he is, you see, he still has an ember of an ego, a cooling spark, burning deep below the gray crap he’s composed of.

Minutes from now, after publishing this in his virtually unread blog (80 hits in over a year) the Loser will put gray sheep of the family, in quotes, in Google. How much do you want to bet there are hundreds of hits?

The Five Qualities Needed for Success in Life

There are five things needed to be successful in life. A person can be successful with one of any of them, if they have enough of that quality, or a combination of just two or three of them in varying strengths. They are confidence, passion, talent, likability and intelligence.

The Complete and Total Loser lacks them all.

Many idiots are too dumb to know how dumb they are but are confident in their abilities or beliefs. Most in positions to hire others or otherwise make things happen are as insecure as everyone else and are therefore drawn to confident people.

People also like and trust those with passion but even if they’re not, passionate people will work hard to achieve their aims even the outcome looks uncertain or bad, and they often succeed. And if they only partially achieve what they set out to do, it’s fine with them; they’ve enjoyed the quest.

Those with talent, either naturally present or achieved through hard work thanks to passion can succeed. They can do things well others do badly and they can do them faster. It’s important, however, that their talent is for something that will be in demand for a long time.

Likable people know how to network and when people meet them they hire them. When someone’s hiring someone else, the main question they’re asking themselves, in addition to whether or not they can do the job well, is if they’ll want to spend all week in a room with them.

Intelligence is valuable when applied to a career. If someone’s very intelligent they can have poor hygiene, be socially inept and not care much about what they do yet still succeed.

The Loser has forever doubted his abilities in everything and self deprecates so often it annoys others. He doesn’t feel strongly about much and certainly nothing that would earn money. His interests and likes are broad, yet shallow. He has never been very good at anything and admires those who are. The kid who could draw, sing, hit a target with a rock, make adults laugh. How do they do that? the Loser wondered.

For years others told the Loser that how he feels about himself determines how others feel about him, but he’s never seen any evidence of this. There have been periods as long as months at a time when he’s felt positive and optimistic about himself and the world but even then women looked away, children withdrew and dogs snapped at his extended hand.

The Loser has always been at or near the bottom of his class from elementary school through college. He did do well in graduate school, but it was a third-tier school (if that) and the course of study was in a dying field (journalism).